Are you missing something?

How many times have you checked Facebook today? How many text messages have you sent and received? The last time you lost or left your phone, how much anxiety did you feel about what you were missing?

A term that is new to me has recently flitted across my feed reader from a couple of different places: Fear of Missing Out.

The concept isn't new at all, it's as old as dirt and we've all felt it. The reason people are talking about it now is that something has changed the game.

Catarina Fake (co-founder of Flickr) has an interesting perspective on FOMO:

"Social media has made us even more aware of the things we are missing out on. You’re home alone, but watching your friends status updates tell of a great party happening somewhere. You are aware of more parties than ever before."

The instant and ubiquitous information about what's happening elsewhere touches some basic insecurities. We can't help it. Only this isn't just about party photos and restaurant check-ins. I see posts about a friend getting a PhD and I think "should I have gone to graduate school?" and photos of someone's European vacation make me twitchy with envy. Facebook has this disturbing ability to make me question everything from what I had for lunch to my major life decisions.

But don't be deceived. When you’re excited about something you tend to share more. Without really trying to, we’re creating a version of our lives that showcases the happiest and most interesting moments. So our perception of “what’s happening now” in our social networks is skewed by its very nature. It’s not even a remotely realistic basis to compare to your own social calendar.

There is something more disturbing about this though: FOMO is changing who we are, influencing human behavior. The constant distraction of what ELSE might be happening plagues us to the point where “checking” our sources becomes obsessive. Rather than cultivating a truly meaningful connection with the friend or family member next to us, we are constantly distracted the possibility that something better might be happening. FOMO is actually altering our ability to relate to others, prioritize information streams, and participate in meaningful relationships.

Is there an upside? Of course. Mighty Girl posted about this same topic and came away with a refreshing lesson: let social media influence the choices you make in a good way:

"Seeing what I’m “missing” has shaped how I decide to spend my time, reminded me to fill my life with stuff that makes me feel like there’s nowhere else I’d rather be."

Catarina also points out that not all this is wasted effort. Some of these social media connections are valuable and fulfilling:

"There is true meaning in social media—real connections, real friendships, devotion, humor, sacrifice, joy, depth, love. And this is what we are looking for when we log on."

In the end, it was a point made in this article that put all of this into context for me. The technology itself is not completely to blame, nor are we. Just like any other relationship, our relationship with social media takes time to cultivate and mature:

"... our relationship with technology is still in its infancy, and we’re still feeling our ways around it. We don’t quite know how to interact well — mindfully, meaningfully — with it."

I fully expect that on the whole we will grow to be more guarded with what we share and with whom. We will choose our connections more carefully, and then invest the proper energy into maintaining those connections. I also expect that we will evolve our technology to give us the tools to know the difference between the "Fear of Missing Out" and "Making Choices that Matter."